


Three

by imawarlock



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But with a happy ending :), Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 21:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6025747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imawarlock/pseuds/imawarlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Levi and Erwin wanted was a baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three

The first time, the news came only four months after they'd found the donor. She'd decided to keep her baby, she said, after much careful thought and consideration. It was disappointing because they'd already been on an adoption wait list for two years, but not so dejecting that Levi did not want to try again. They'd go back to the front of the list, their agent said, and it wouldn't be nearly as long of a wait as before until they got another chance.

They were right, as he and Erwin's second potential donor came just 7 months later. She was young, still in highschool and without a job, and, she said, unable to care for a baby. She'd made a mistake but Levi thought she was trustworthy, and he and Erwin got to know her better than the first donor. She assured them that she would give them her baby - a boy - and they believed her.

Six months in and they painted their spare room a light purple, and put up wallpaper with elephants on it. Gradually, furniture filled the space that had once been Erwin's office: a rocker at seven months, a changing table and a dresser at eight. At the start of the ninth month, Levi watched Erwin put together a brand new crib on the floor while he folded clothes, tiny socks and onesies that he'd been steadily collecting for the past few months. The room was nearly ready, and when Erwin was done, he pulled Levi into a hug in the doorway as they stopped to look everything over.

“In a few weeks, we’ll have the baby.” He said, wearing the same smile he'd worn on their wedding day. “Our baby.”

Against him, Levi's stomach flipped. Nervous excitement filled him too, and although he'd been starting to feel concern about what type of parent he'd make after all, Erwin's happiness was reassurance enough.

“Yeah. Better enjoy your last few nights of sleep.” Levi replied, swallowing past a lump in his throat as he pictured Erwin holding a baby, a sleepy look on his face as he fed him with a bottle in the middle of the night.

Erwin laughed softly in response and bent to kiss him, the smile on his lips remaining even after they'd long retreated to their own bedroom.

The next few weeks went by quickly, with Levi anxiously checking up on their teenaged donor. He was paranoid that something would go wrong during the birth, that even though all the doctors - the  _ best _ doctors they could find and had paid for, because the mother couldn't afford it - assured them the baby was healthy, they'd missed something and he wouldn't be. He was too caught up in that to worry about whether the donor might change her mind like the first one did, too naive, perhaps, to think that she might go back on her word after all this time. However, when he and Erwin arrived at the hospital after getting the call she’d gone into labor and found their agent waiting for them outside the room, he knew by the look on their face what had happened.

The donor had decided to keep her baby. She'd fallen in love with him after seeing his face, and despite the fact that she could not provide for him, was now refusing to sign the adoption papers.

At first, Levi could barely believe it. How could this have happened, after her promise, and after everything they'd done for her? He was dumbfounded, then disappointed, crushed and angry, and Erwin had to guide him out of the hospital before he lashed out. The car ride home was tense and quiet, the both of them still almost too shocked and broken-hearted to speak. Only once they walked in the front door did they touch for comfort, as Levi could not hold in his tears anymore and let them out against Erwin's chest.

He held Levi while he cried and tried his best to soothe him, wiping his tears and kissing his forehead, somehow remaining strong despite the fact that he'd wanted this almost just as badly as Levi had. How long had it been, by then? Almost four years since they'd begun this, since they'd decided they'd wanted to start a family and gone through weeks of interviews and inspections and, not to mention, the waiting? The waiting was the worst part, he thought, but thinking that it had been about to come to an end only to have what they wanted most taken away from them at the last minute...well, that was even worse.

It wasn't all bad, of course. They still had each other. Levi knew that if they were never able to adopt he could still live a happy, full life with Erwin. However, they wanted more than that, a child and a family, but perhaps that was the problem: they were too selfish. Perhaps this undertaking had been a mistake, he thought, as so far it had only led to heartbreak and suffering. He relayed that to Erwin but didn't get a response, and they went to bed not long after, falling asleep wrapped around each other tightly as if they were too afraid to let go lest they somehow lose one another too. 

The next morning, Levi noticed, Erwin had shut the door to their nursery.

They didn't hear from the adoption agent for another two weeks, but eventually they did call to ask if they wanted to be put on the list again. Levi's first instinct was to say no, simply because he wasn't sure if he could take it again if they came away empty handed for a third time. It was Erwin who convinced him though, surprisingly - Erwin, who was the one Levi usually had to support and comfort when he’d been let down. 

“Just one more try.” He told him, holding his hand over the dinner table. “Just one more. I’ll take care of everything, and if it doesn't work out, we’ll do something else, alright? We’ll get a dog.”

Levi scoffed at that and then bit his lip, gaining enough strength from Erwin's firm grip on his fingers to finally say yes. Just like that, they were at the front of the list again, basically starting over after what had been a year of growing excitement and happiness followed by disappointment and hurt. Their third donor - or,  _ potential _ donor as Levi only referred to her this time, because he was refusing to get his hopes up - came to them quickly, though, within just four months of the last incident. Her name was Historia and she was six months along already and having a girl, and right from the start it felt different.

Levi could tell when they met her and her partner Ymir, and was tearfully told that they'd been carrying the baby for her sister and her husband who were infertile, but that they had died tragically in a car accident right after she’d found out she was pregnant. They were young and had just started their marriage and weren't ready to have a baby, weren’t financially stable enough and didn't feel that they could care for it, and now, despite their sadness over their loss, just wanted the child to have the good life she deserved and had been destined for.

The story was heartbreaking, and Levi wanted to feel confident that this would work out after he learned they'd been desperately searching for the right couple to give their baby to for the past few months. They'd been through a lot just like he and Erwin had, and their situation was different than teenaged, single moms with an unplanned pregnancy who didn’t know what they were doing. Levi wanted to believe that it would work out because of that, that Historia and Ymir would not go back on their word and that he and Erwin would have a daughter by the end of all this, but he was too afraid of being let down again to allow himself to be convinced.

He feared the crushing disappointed he had experienced before, and hesitated to get close to the couple like he had with the previous donor. Even when they invited them to their next ultrasound Levi refused to go into the back, remaining in the waiting room until Erwin - Erwin, who had gone in and was positively upbeat about everything despite Levi’s reticence - came out and got him. 

“Levi, come see.” He said, practically beaming, squeezing Levi's hand between his own when he did not immediately get up. “Please. You need to see her. Trust me.”

At that, he relented, albeit cautiously, and followed Erwin into the exam room. Historia smiled at him when he entered, but he barely remembered anything else that happened after that because his sights had immediately locked onto the monitor. There, he saw an image that was fuzzy but unmistakably shaped like a baby, and Levi felt his heart nearly stop in his chest. His breath caught in his throat too and he bit his lip, and beside him, Erwin took his hand again and wound their fingers together tightly.

“That's our daughter.” He said quietly while Historia nodded and beamed at them both with shining eyes, sounding so sure of it that finally, Levi began to feel a little bit of hope. 

Blinking back a rush of emotion, he was allowed to touch Historia’s belly when the baby started kicking a few moments later, and left the doctor’s office feeling more positive than he had in months. Could it be that this was the one? Could they actually end up with a baby after all, despite how much Levi had nearly convinced himself of the contrary? It all seemed almost too good to be true at that point, and although Erwin’s excitement and cheer were palpable, Levi still refused to allow himself to make any preparations except for the most minimal.

It was good that he did that at least though, because Historia went into early labor at the start of her ninth month and they were called to the hospital. They hurried with a bundle of flowers for her and with the hopes that they might make it in time to see the baby’s birth, but the car ride over was quiet and tense and filled with a nervous energy. Even Erwin, who had been so concrete in his belief that this was going to work out seemed strained, and not for the first time, Levi wondered if he had only been putting up a front for his benefit. Either way, it no longer mattered, because once they walked into the hospital Levi knew that they had finally, so to speak, reached the moment of truth for the both of them.

Because of that, he was almost sick with nerves as they approached Historia’s room, so afraid of experiencing another disappointment that he held onto Erwin’s hand tightly and didn’t let go. He kept imagining that they would be met by their adoption agent like they had before, the grim look on their face telling Levi everything that he needed to know before they even spoke.

They didn't, though. Instead, they were just informed they had missed the birth but that everything had gone well, and were directed to a small room next to Historia’s and told to wait. After nearly thirty minutes where Levi could do nothing but chew his lip to pieces anxiously while Erwin paced in front of him, a nurse suddenly opened the door, wheeling in a small bassinet with a tiny, tightly wrapped pink bundle inside of it. 

It was a baby, Historia’s baby - no,  _ their  _ baby, Levi realized, as they were also informed that Historia had signed the papers to make everything official - and although her face was scrunched up, red, and wrinkly, she was the most perfect, beautiful thing that Levi had ever seen. She had ten fingers and ten toes and a swath of soft dark hair on top of her head, and once the nurse left them alone everything that happened after was almost an overwhelming blur. 

For a moment they just stood there, staring down at the tiny, fragile thing in the middle of the bassinet that they’d wanted for so long. Levi almost couldn’t believe it, but a few moments later Erwin was bending to pick her up, cradling her delicately in his big arms and looking into her face with wonder, and finally, it truly sank in, and Levi allowed himself to feel everything he’d been staunchly holding back for the past few months.

Suddenly, he felt excitement, happiness, and a nervous anticipation all at once, but most of all, he realized as he stepped forward to look into his daughter’s face while Erwin held her, he felt love. It was so strong, so much more than he ever thought he could feel for another person except for Erwin, and it hit him so hard and so abruptly along with everything else that he found himself having to blink back a wave of tears. 

They didn’t stop, but Levi barely noticed once the baby wrapped her hand around his finger when he stuck it out to her, waving her other fist around and cracking her eyes open. Her eyes were grey and her grip was surprisingly strong, and Levi didn’t even realize he’d actually started crying until his tears ran into the smile he was wearing and he tasted salt. 

“Levi.” Erwin said then, whispering quietly as if speaking any louder might somehow break the small bundle in his arms. “You're crying.” 

Any other time in his life, Levi might have been embarrassed. Now, though, he just shook his head, too enraptured with the squirming thing in front of him to even care. It wasn’t until he heard Erwin sniffling did he look up though, noticing that he, too, had thick tear tracks running down his cheeks and over his neck. 

“She’s perfect.” Erwin said when their eyes met, giving him a watery smile and moving to shift the baby into Levi’s arms so that he could have a turn holding her too. “Levi, she’s beautiful. I can’t believe it, I-”

“I know.” Levi answered, a hard swallow sounding out in the otherwise quiet of the room.

It was true; he still almost couldn’t believe this was real. After waiting so long and after the mishaps before, he’d had his doubts up until not even five minutes ago that the thing he was holding was actually attainable. But there they were, in a private room cradling their baby that they would be raising themselves, her warm presence like a grounding anchor in Levi’s arms. Before he could stop it, another tear snaked its way out of his eye and ran down his cheek. 

Erwin caught it though, wiping it away with his thumb before kissing him there. Then, he stood in front of them both as close as he could get, and caressed their daughter’s chubby cheek with the back of one finger.

“She needs a name.” He said a moment later, smiling when her tiny lips parted in a sudden yawn. 

Levi stared down at her too and bit his lip, nodding at Erwin’s words because he was right. They had avoided picking out one thus far in case things fell through, but now, he knew, it was going to be official. Now, they needed to decide, because she was theirs and they were going to have to at least have something to write on the papers. He knew they both had ideas as they had discussed it in the past, but as Levi thought about it, one name came to him almost immediately that he knew would be meaningful.

“What about Frieda?” He asked, because he knew if it hadn't been for someone else with that name, someone who had tragically lost their life, then he and Erwin would not be standing in that hospital room right then holding their little girl.

At his suggestion, Erwin smiled. He reached forward to brush his fingertips across the baby’s forehead, pushing back her hair, and Levi knew that he agreed. 

“I think that's perfect.” He said, before bending to give Levi another kiss. 

He lingered, glancing from him to Frieda, a bright, happy smile on his face that made Levi feel like he was going to burst. Then, he wrapped an arm around Levi as best he could and looked him in the eye, cupping his cheek gently before speaking again. 

“Levi, I love you.” He said, his voice sounding so soft and sincere that because of everything else happening in that moment, a fresh well of tears suddenly built up in Levi’s eyes. 

“I love you too, Erwin.” He said, answering him and leaning his forehead against Erwin's chest. 

He blinked his tears away and they stayed like that for so long that Levi lost count of the minutes, just quietly holding each other and wondrously taking in the sight of Frieda. She was mostly quiet and in and out of sleep the entire time, until suddenly, out of almost nowhere, she started crying angrily.  

It was more like wailing, really, and it was so loud and abrupt that it startled them both. Levi stepped back, his eyes wide, and Erwin’s mouth fell open. For a second, Levi nearly panicked with all of the nervousness of a new parent. Had he done something wrong? Had they hurt her, or was she hungry? What should he do? Before they could figure it out, a nurse rushed in at the sound of her crying, and whisked her off because she just needed to be fed. Levi and Erwin hadn’t been set up to do that themselves yet, and as much as he hated to let her go, he knew that they still had to sign their own set of papers. 

Thinking about it, he wanted to get that done as soon as he could so that everything would be completely official and over with. Already, he was looking forward to taking Frieda home, even if he knew it would still be a few days before they were allowed to. Even so, he thought, falling into Erwin’s arms and basking in his happy smile, reflecting on how Erwin had looked cradling their new daughter in his arms while she cracked her eyes open to look at him, Levi felt like the three of them had already taken their first steps in becoming a family.


End file.
